mrs smith
by holm-s
Summary: TenII/Rose in the Parallel Universe. General angsty-fluffy-curtain-fic.
1. One

(A/N: Sorry for the irritating re-writing and re-posting and stuff. This is the final draft.)

The bleached-clean mist surrounding the hospital was already infiltrating her car. Rose was growing accustomed to the place; its metal panelling and scuffed concrete were dauntingly familiar. It felt like going to the Dentist, a sickening knot forming in her stomach.

The lights of its main building were buzzing gently, and slowly revealing the tired shadows of nurses, stretching and yawning before their night shifts began.

Rose leaned over her steering wheel, looking up at the sky through the windscreen. A speckling of stars had emerged as the night settled.

She had been here too recently, it seemed, and her eyes glazed with tears.

She drove reluctantly up the tarmac, approaching the bigger car park of the two, her eyes darting as she pulled into a space.

A flash of memory sprung her.

It filled her mind with a static whir, and she stopped short of reaching the revolving door into the main foyer.

* * *

She was a toddler, and must be as old as Tony, but she can't tell for sure.

She was playing alone in the living room. She was trying to walk by herself, to get her mother's attention, but Jackie was busily chatting on the phone in the kitchen. She interjected each sentence with how brilliant their new cordless phone was, rocking it fondly in her palm.

Rose trapped her fingers in the door hinge between the two rooms. She was teetering on the carpet and her small hands fumbled in the crevice. She let out a shriek, and being a relatively quiet baby, her mother panicked and dropped the phone.

Jackie was driving to the hospital before Rose's eyes had time to focus on the streetlamps lining their road. The car jerked abruptly as she turned the steering wheel.

Rose's pale hand had barely bruised; but she was young and fragile. Jackie had become inadvertently vigilant after Pete's accident, safety proofing the house beyond recognition

They had waited for an hour in the emergency department, before someone called them over.

'She trapped her hand in the door; I, I didn't know what to do. Do you think it's broken?'

'Let me have a look.' The nurse knelt down, her eyes smiling. 'Hello sweetie,'

Rose presented her balled hand, which was cradled at her chest. They rolled their eyes at Jackie, who was shaken and held Rose stiffly at her waist. There was nothing wrong with her, the nurse said, and Jackie nodded shakily. They had squeezed Rose's arm with a cold hand, and Rose leaned into her mother.

* * *

Her eyes focused back into consciousness and she walked through the revolving doors into the reception.

She smiled at the woman on the front desk. It was Jenny today. She was chirpy and part-time, and they sometimes met at the water machine on the third floor, near the new toilets with fancy hand dryers.

The lights were still warming up, and staff had started trudging past Rose for their night shifts. Everyone seemed to have the same expression, tired yet fulfilled, as though they all knew that their job was worth the ridiculous hours.

Jenny was only working there until the end of the month, when she could start backpacking. She had offered to show Rose her route map, but had been declined each time. Rose liked to get to him before the visiting hours were ending.

The lift hummed. One of the cleaners, his name might be James but she can't remember, is stood there tapping his feet, listening to headphones. He has dyed black hair, which suits him.

She stepped off at the fourth level, and followed fluorescent corridors until she was facing his suite. The handle felt stiff, and fear swelled in her eyes. When it opened with a push, she paused, as she had done before, and fixed a bright smile on her lips.

'Hi you, how're you feeling?'

He smiled weakly, and shuffled up in the bed until he was propped up on the pillows. His face was lined with exhaustion.

'Did anything happen today? I was going to come earlier but I wasn't sure if you'd be awake,'

She stood next to the bed, hugging his hand in hers. The light was dim and cold, and there was a glass of wilting flowers on the windowsill which tried to mask the clinical smell. She looked around the room, the faded suede chair in the corner, a large window with the blinds half-closed – last visit she had broken them, but he insisted he preferred them like that.

He lifted the sheet of the bed and she slid in, curling herself up to him.

'I missed you, today.'

'I wish I could be with you there,'

'I did the food shop. I bought some of that soup you liked last time.'

'The carrot one?'

'Yeah,'

He coughed shakily, knowing it would not ease his discomfort. She stroked his cheek.

'Will they be discharging you soon?'

'They didn't say,' he coughed again.

'I wish you weren't like this,'

She looked at his sallow complexion, swirling with veins. His skin clung to the bones, caves starting to form beneath his cheekbones. He choked on his words, wheezing heavily at each spare breath.

'Me - too,' he responded, finally.

Rose winced, placing a hand on his chest. She nuzzled into him, and they sat in silence, until he interrupted it with a phlegm-filled choke. She leaned away from him, looking into his drained eyes.

'I haven't talked to the doctors since yesterday. Do you think anything's changed? Do you feel any…?'

He shook his head.

'Do you want a drink? Some water?' She wriggled from the bed, shuffling from the room and into the corridor.

Suite three's patient was at the water cooler. They smiled politely at one another, the silence broken with dribbling water.

This was his second admission this year.

He had been cycling home from work – a dull job at an accountancy firm near the train station, and had started getting tight chest pains. It felt like someone was crushing his ribs together. He couldn't breathe. He skidded onto the pavement, dropping the bike near a tree before collapsing at its roots.

Rose filled the plastic cup to its brim, spilling a few drops as she walked back to his room. The door closed shut behind her.


	2. Two

_BEFORE_

The Smiths were still unpacking at the terrace house Jackie and Pete had grown out of; who were moving closer to the primary school where Tony was going to go in a couple of years. Boxes were yet to be cleared away from the spare bedroom, and more were being used as a coffee table by the TV.

They were non-existent two years before, which made obtaining medical records and insurance and paperwork more difficult. They had never really considered what life they would need to create in order to live as a pre-existing human. When he was introduced into her reality, she did not stop to consider the plausibility of living with a man without a past as 'alive'. Nor did they factor that Rose would also start with a blank slate.

They tried not to talk about it, but when new letters arrived, as they did every few months, it was hard to ignore the obvious problems.

When he applied for jobs, they wanted financial records and credit cards, all of which had been activated only days before the interviews. Rose had felt it her duty to sort it out. She had brought him here, after all.

'So you moved here after living abroad two years ago?' Rose bit the end of her biro.

'That's what I told the lady at the bank - but I don't think I said it to the tax office,'

She sighed, checking the boxes of a pink form John had collected. It felt like this was all they did these days - paperwork, coffee, filing. It was an office job, not a life together.

'Rose?'

'Hold on -' She handed him the pen, 'You've got to sign this bit, and there, at the bottom,'

He looked up, passing the sheet over as she slotted it into a plain envelope.

'Do you want to go out, later?'

'Where?' She was arranging a pile of the envelopes, toying with them in her hands.

'I don't know, out somewhere? We could see a film,' He sighed. She wasn't listening.

'I thought you could have a look at this application.' She passed another sheet of paper to him.

'Oh, that's great, I'll have a quick read.'

'John Smith, Accountant,' She smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

'So, later?'

'Maybe.'

His confident demeanour had worked well at dismissing any questionable glances from the Human Resources department, until the Accountancy firm had called him over after the interview.

* * *

The lady was short and greying, and was wearing a knitted blue cardigan that he complimented politely. She spoke to him with an air of apology, as though she thought it was her colleague's fault for querying his details.

'Where did you study at University?'

'Oh, are you talking about my degree?'

'Yes, we just need to re-enter your information on the system. It doesn't say where you studied?'

'That's strange. I thought I had filled everything in,'

'I'm sorry about this; it's a real pain to copy over. It says here you have a 2:1 in an Accountancy undergrad. Is that correct?'

'Yeah, that's right, I … studied abroad,'

'Okay, was it a 3 year course? Which university? Have you got the course code?'

'Yes, I think. Sorry, when will I know if I've got the job?'

'I couldn't say for sure, there are a few more candidates left to interview today. We'll give you a call either way -' she smiled.

'Could you bring in your graduation certificate tomorrow? Any other documents would also be brilliant,'

* * *

When he told Rose, she rubbed her forehead as though a migraine was approaching. Outside the sun was setting, and a dim trail of clouds was coating the sky. She stretched her hands out at the edges of the kitchen sink, looking out of the window onto the road outside, as streetlights began to illuminate the parked cars.

'So what did you tell her?'

He stood behind her, hugging her waist.

'I told her I didn't know where it was, but that I'd have a look for it when I got home,'

Her eyes flickered around the road outside, as though she was searching for something.

'What are we going to tell her? What if we can't come up with it,'

'Ssh, don't worry,' he purred, kissing her on the cheek. 'We can sort something out,'

Getting the GP to comply with their story of "living abroad", and having "lost the records" to explain their lack of history was hard enough. The Doctor did not seem to have planned the arrangements as much as Rose had assumed, but despite this, she always remained grateful for what he had done. Even if she did need reminding every once in a while.

John opened one of the cupboards, the mugs chinking inside as he placed two on the counter-top.

'Maybe we can make one on the laptop?' he said, opening the fridge to retrieve a pint of milk.

'Yeah, but won't they check on things like that?'

'She probably just wants to see if I'm not making it up,'

'Which you obviously are - she's going to see right through it,'

The milk sloshed in the mugs and he added some round teabags. Rose remained at the sink, her brow furrowed.

'Hey, don't worry, it'll work out in the end.' He smiled at her, but she did not look over. 'I'll sort something and bring it to her in the morning,'

They did not know it yet, but this conversation was to be the foundation of their on-going arguments.

'I don't want it to be like this. It feels like I'm a fugitive in my own home,'

'What do you mean? Everything about our lives is permanent. We have a house, jobs, and friends. Nobody can take that away from us, Rose,'

'I know, and I'm so grateful for it, you know,' Her voice choked. 'I just don't want it to be like this. We can't do anything without making some story up about why we never existed,'

'I want to change it, I do, Rose. I wish you knew how much I hate living like this. I've tried. I really have tried, but there's nothing more I can do,'

'But you don't understand, it's not meant to be like this for us. We're supposed to be happy all the time, with our kids running around and maybe a dog, I don't know.'

He laughed, and she tried not to but spluttered in a combination of sobbing and giggling.

'We can get a dog, if you want one,'

She glared at him, trying to supress her smile.

'If my Rose wants a dog, I'll get her one right this second,' He hugged her tightly, and she relaxed into his embrace.

'Seriously,' He chuckled to himself, 'If I had known you were so passionate about getting this dog, hey?'

He took her head in his hands, and gently stroked her cheekbones with his thumbs, smiling as if it was the first time he'd seen her. She pulled out of his grasp, and went to stand by the window once more. She began to speak quietly, as though the universe might hear their problems.

'Do you think this is it?'

'What?'

'Is this all we get, together. Is this all that I deserve?'

Rose looked away from him, and only spoke after the silence had settled in the air.

'Rose,'

'I wish I could show him what it's like for me, I wish I could just talk to him. I could tell him what it's been like, why he should never have left me. I hate this. It's not the same as it should be,'

His gaze fixed on the ground. He swallowed, and sniffed, and brought his hand to cover his mouth. She went on, feeling she had to say it. The elephant in the room.

'This thing we have: us, together, existing together,'

'Stop it, Rose,'

'I've tried to be better, I try to be the best version of me that I can. I try everyday to make you feel for me, what you felt for him.'

'I'm sorry,'

'Just tell me, tell me what I can do,' He was shaking now, 'I want to be better at this for you,'

'I don't deserve you, I'm sorry,'

'Tell me what I can do, Rose, I want to fix it for you,'

She wiped her eyes, collecting the watery mascara with her fingertips.

'You can't fix this, John, nobody can fix this. It will never be "fixed". You're not him,'

'No,' he said, finally. 'I'm not,'


End file.
